Greetings from Sexual Peek Hell.

15 years of self sexual denial have come to  head.

So in keeping with my state of “sexual peek hell” I’ve also been reading a few very sexual/erotic blogs, you know, just to torture myself more. I wish I had the nerves, the balls to say or write or do all the sexual things I’ve considered or wanted to do for the last 15yrs.The women that write the blogs I’ve been reading are so sure and sexually healthy, not afraid to say and do what they want. Not damaged and self denied like I am.

But this is yet another situation I have created for myself, just because there is always a worst case scenario, doesn’t mean that it will be the ultimate outcome of every situation. I’ve been learing to believe that the most positive case scenario is just as possible.

Learing to accept that my fantasies and sexual desires aren’t wrong or dirty or oppressive to my women-hood (teehee funny word) That masturbation is a great thing. That giving a blow-job is actually an empowering act.That I enjoy doing it. That my pussy is not such a shameful thing and finally allowing a man to go down and lick, suck, kiss, bite, and finger my pussy, so I myself may enjoy some very good face. To accept that it’s ok that I quite enjoy some pain with my pleasure. I don’t like to make love, I like to fuck, to be fucked hard (see just there I wasn’t going to write “hard” because I felt dirty for a second, but I do like it hard, and this is about my truth). I like to have sex outdoors to me sex is such a raw animalistic thing, it just feels more natural and right when it is out-of-doors surrounded by trees and grass and bees and sand and sea.

I talk dirty during sex, but it is the only time that I’m truly saying what I want and how and when and I want it recipicated.I want to know what you want to do to me, I want a man to ask permission and I want him to listen and some times when I say no it means “FUCK YES PLEASE” and you’ll hear that in the way I say No; if you listen. I want to be ravaged. I’ve always told everyone that I don’t masturbate truth is I can’t remember never not masturbating, I can’t tell you when I started.  I’m gonna say around 8years old.because that is a clear memory of my new room in our new house when I was 8.

This post is jumbled and not finished maybe tomorrow I’ll restructure to make it flow, but right now this is my brain flow. Verbal diarrhea Mr. G.

I wish D. was here now because I really want to fuck him good right now. And he won’t be home for a possibly 2 weeks.

Remember this is my “journal” “blog” this is my spot. if you are offended or a prude you may want to not return because there will only be more of this shit for a while to cum.

~ by Little Trouble Girl on April 27, 2010.